I wanted to share some sad news with my blog family, since I feel like I can share my feelings with you.
I had a secret last week, and did not share it with you all. My hubby and I had found out last Monday that we were pregnant! What awesome news! It was something we have been trying for for quite some time. The reason I did not let any of you know is because I have had 3 previous miscarriages for unknown reasons.
It turns out, I do have a clotting disorder that we found out after MULTIPLE rounds of testing last summer. I was instructed to start taking baby Aspirin. Also, I had smoked and I gave it up, COLD TURKEY! So, finding out we were pregnant again, and with taking the baby Aspirin, AND quitting smoking, we were SO hopeful that this would work!
Sadly, yesterday, that all crashed. I found out on Monday that my HCG levels had dropped from my blood work done the previous Thursday to Saturday. As you know, your HCG must DOUBLE every 48 hours. Mine doubled alright, but doubled backwards. I knew what it ment....miscarriage. And yesterday it happened.
It SUCKS and its a VERY shitty situation to be in. And I am NOT sorry for saying that. I am VERY angry, confused, and most of all sad. I have found comfort in an online friend who was kind enough to make the badges that I know display PROUDLY on my page. I love my angel babies, and I have them looking out for me, my little guy, and my hubby. I am waiting for the day when I can meet them!
Here are my badges of my angel babies:
(5w 1d )
(5w3d)Thank you all for allowing me to share some of my feelings. I have left off some things that I was feeling cause its because I am angry. I know I would hate myself for saying some things in anger, so I am leaving it be.
I am so glad that I have such a supportive husband who knew that crafting would take my mind off all of this. He has given me all day the last few days to be crafty and not bother with anything. He wants me to mourn my angel baby, but not consume me with sadness. He wants me to know it was for a reason and that we WILL find an answer one day, and that God will bless us with another baby, that is healthy, when the time is right.