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I wanted to share some sad news with my blog family, since I feel like I can share my feelings with you.
I had a secret last week, and did not share it with you all. My hubby and I had found out last Monday that we were pregnant! What awesome news! It was something we have been trying for for quite some time. The reason I did not let any of you know is because I have had 3 previous miscarriages for unknown reasons.
It turns out, I do have a clotting disorder that we found out after MULTIPLE rounds of testing last summer. I was instructed to start taking baby Aspirin. Also, I had smoked and I gave it up, COLD TURKEY! So, finding out we were pregnant again, and with taking the baby Aspirin, AND quitting smoking, we were SO hopeful that this would work!
Sadly, yesterday, that all crashed. I found out on Monday that my HCG levels had dropped from my blood work done the previous Thursday to Saturday. As you know, your HCG must DOUBLE every 48 hours. Mine doubled alright, but doubled backwards. I knew what it ment....miscarriage. And yesterday it happened.
It SUCKS and its a VERY shitty situation to be in. And I am NOT sorry for saying that. I am VERY angry, confused, and most of all sad. I have found comfort in an online friend who was kind enough to make the badges that I know display PROUDLY on my page. I love my angel babies, and I have them looking out for me, my little guy, and my hubby. I am waiting for the day when I can meet them!
Here are my badges of my angel babies:
(13 weeks)
(5w 1d )
(5 weeks)
(5w3d)
Thank you all for allowing me to share some of my feelings. I have left off some things that I was feeling cause its because I am angry. I know I would hate myself for saying some things in anger, so I am leaving it be. I am so glad that I have such a supportive husband who knew that crafting would take my mind off all of this. He has given me all day the last few days to be crafty and not bother with anything. He wants me to mourn my angel baby, but not consume me with sadness. He wants me to know it was for a reason and that we WILL find an answer one day, and that God will bless us with another baby, that is healthy, when the time is right.
Hugs,
Jessica
34 comments:
OH Jess~ I am so very sorry for all you are going through! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!! Know that I am thinking of you!!
Awwww....I'm so sorry for your losses! I think it great that you feel comfortable to share it with us all thought. Keep crafting and inspiring us! Holly :-)
I'm so sorry for your loss Jessica. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. My prayers are with you and your family. Hugs......
Awwww....I am so sorry for your loss.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family....God Bless....
So sorry to hear the sad news, Jessica! If you need a friend to talk to~ you know where to find me! Big hugs to you!
Jessica, hun, please keep your chin up and know that it was for a reason, a Heavenly reason. I understand your sorrow 100% and if you need to talk, you can call me. I can message you my number if you want on FB. I experienced a miscarriage in 2005 and in 2007 found out I had a clotting disorder as well. My doctor called it MTHFR and it required me to be on Lovenox injections during my entire pregnancy with my son and for the first few months of my pregnancy in 2008 with my daughter. The shots were tedious, but the precaution was well worth getting "stuck" each day in the belly. Please vent all you want. There are many who will understand and no one can complain about what YOU want to write at your blog....it's YOUR BLOG! Hugz sweet Blend!
:O)
Jessica S
Hi Jessica!
I am so sorry for your lost. I know how you feel, cause I've been there.
You are a person of faith, that I know when you talk about your angels. Keep your faith strong, God will always be with you.
About venting on the blog, vent all you want, we will be here to support you and pray for you and your family.
Big hug,
Julia
I am so sorry for your loss. Its a horrible feeling. I only had 1 and that tore me apart. My sister had 4 over the years and I saw her lose more faith with each and everyone...but her faith kept her at it and she just gave birth to her 4th even when dr's told her one would be a miracle. So I'll be praying for you. And vent away.
Hugs to you.
Angie
My deepest, heartfelt sympathies to you and your husband, Jessica. I cannot fathom the deep sense of loss you must be feeling. Please know that my thoughts and prayers will be with your family.
I'm soooo sorry to read that. You and your family will be in my thoughts!!!
WOWZA you are a stong woman girl!!! Keep your head up and stay strong! My thought are with you 100%!
Hey Jess... I am so sorry to read this, I didn't know that you and B were trying again. And with so much pregnancy all around you. It mist be incredibly difficult. Text me if you need to talk. I know it is no comfort now, but one day... we will both meet our lost babies in heaven. I miss you, We need to get together soon, XOXO *Maria*
Im so srry to hear this Jessica! i know the feeling my love! I too have had miscarriages. I know what it is to feel like what have I done to deserve this! I believe God puts obsticles in our life because he knows we are strong enough to get through them! He would never give us something we cannot bear. This is part of his plan and trust me when the time is right it will happen! I hope I have't offended you by talking about God. I've been in your shoes and felt like no body understood me so I got on my knees and prayed about it! Please feel free to contact me!
I will keep you and your family in my prayers!
Hugs, Wandy♥
Aww Jess, I’m so sorry to hear about your many losses. I can’t not sit here and say I understand because I don’t. I don’t know what it means to loss something that is so beautiful and precious. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. I believe that God has a reason and a season for everything. He is a love God. I will keep you and the hubby in my prayers. With lots of love My Sister.
I just wanted to take a quick minute to say just how thankful I am to have all of you! I appreciate more than you will ever know the kinds and inspiring words you have all said! From my oldest friend here to my newest friend, THANK YOU for being here for me !!!
I love you all!!!
Hugs!!
Jessica
Thank you AJ!!! Thank you for your kind words and allowing me to vent!!
Wandy,
I am not offended in the least! How could I be??? Such inspiring words!!!
Thank you!!!
Maria!!!
I miss you!!! Bran and I said we would give it a try one more time. A surprise to all. And god, it is tough! But, I will be there for everyone that is blessed right now with a little miracle!
And I can't wait for us to meet our Angel babies!!!
Please say hello to George for me!!!
Call me!!!
Hugs!
Thank you do much for that! I appreciate your strength in me :)
Hugs!
Thank you do much! We truly appreciate it!!!
Hugs!!!
Tonya,
THANK YOU!!! I am trying my HARDEST to not allow myself to fall into the downward spiral that happened to me after my first. My hubby is practically FORCING crafty time on me to occupy my mind in a healthy way! But prayers are very helpful right now !!!
Thank you!!!
Hugs!!!
Wow Angie!!! Please pass on the congrats to your sister!!! That's so uplifting to hear that!!! I am very happy that she was finally blessed with a baby!!! And wither you have 1 or 4, they still rock your insides! My sympathies to you and your angel baby!!!
Thank you for your encouraging words!!! And thanks for allowing me to vent :D
Hugs!!!
Julia,
THANK YOU for understanding!!! I am REALLY trying to keep my faith! It will never ever leave me that I have 4 angels looking out after me! And I am very hopeful that God will bless us with another miracle to love very soon!!!
Thank you for listening to me vent and for your kind words!!!
Hugs!
Aww Jess! I had no idea!!! I can understand a heavenly reason, and know that my angel is watching over me! I am trying my best to not loose faith!!! I don't EVER want to loose faith!
I appreciate you being here for me more than you know! Thank you!!! And yes, message me your number, just in case!!!
Thank you!!!
Hugs!!!
Thank you Heather!!! And this is true! I know where to find you :D
Hugs!!!
Thank you SO MUCH for the prayers!!! My hubby and I truly appreciate them!!!
Hugs!
Norma,
THANK YOU !!! I appreciate the prayers!!! Thank you for thinking of us!!!
Hugs!
Thank you Holly! I feel like I spend just as much time with all of you fantastic people as good my own family!!! I feel like I can REALLY be myself her with you all! And I feel like being crafty is keeping my mind occupied! Which is EXACTLY what I need!!
THANK YOU for your very kind words!!!
Hugs!!!
THANK YOU!! I am VERY GRATEFUL to know that you are here for me!!! I appreciate you keeping me, my little guy, and my hubby in your thoughts!!! I know I need that! Thank you !!!!
Hugs!!!!
So sorry Jessica, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Husband during such a sad time. I still mourn the loss of my angel baby that I lost in 2000. Stay strong and know that you are not alone. Hugs to you. Carri
Thank you Carrie ! I truly appreciate you keeping us in your prayers!!! And I too am sorry to hear of your Angel Baby!
Hugs!!!
I'm so sorry Jessica for you sad news. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Hugs to you.
Angela
I am so sorry for your loss. You have every right to feel the way you do. Blessing sent your way.
Jessica, I just read this. I'm playing catch up after having my own personal issues recently and missing out on a lot in the blogging world. My heart truly goes out to you and your family. All the feelings you are feeling, are justified. Feel them, and work through them. Please know that there are many of us out here that are a listening ear so lean on us.
Lots of HUGS.
love,
Theresa
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